I also believe marriage fulfills these needs:
Need to love and to be loved- Need for deep friendship
- Need for sharing
- Need for companionship
- Need for sexual satisfaction
- Need for children
- Need to escape lonliness
I also believe God has instituted sex in the context and confines of marriage. By the way, sex is amazing and when it is placed in the proper context is very beautiful and awesome!
Marriage and sex in marriage is referred to many times in Scripture as very positive and something to be enjoyed by two people. We also see the comparison of Christ and His Church to a marriage of a husband and wife. Jesus also celebrated marriage at the wedding party where he turn water into some amazing wine...the good stuff, not cheap grape juice as some people would argue.
Sex was also designed for marriage and sex in it is natural form is designed for a man and a women, not that I would compare other species with the human species, but they even understand that. I do believe we have animalized humans and humanized animals. What this does is excuse the lack of self control and makes us forget that sex in the context has four purposes.
- Procreation
- Recreation
- Release
- Communication
I say all this to further my thoughts on the conversation and dialogue I had through Twitter this afternoon with a single guy and two married guys.
Yes, I agree the Paul tells us in Scriptures - "You're better off single, period. If you can't handle singleness, get married to ward off sin. That's what 1 Cor 7 says" via Jeremy Sexton.
We can speculate all we want if Paul was married or not, however if he was not married, how would he know if being single is better than married? Perhaps being in jail, you wouldn't have a wife or kids to worry about you or for you to worry about them, perhaps you wouldn't feel "tied down" as some would suppose. But I believe being married doubles your joy and lightens your burdens...this is my experience and experience of others I have talked to over the years. I would not want to to do this journey alone.
I don't know if this argument/dialogue/debate of singleness versus marriage is a result of an inconsistent Biblical text or one opinion over another or how one person looks at the passage.
One question for thought: How can someone who is single going to relate with the Scriptures as relates to Christ and His Church and the intimacy of Holy Communion/Eucarist, how do you get a clear understanding of those relational terms?
I understand now of the Father and Creator attribute of God, because I am a father and a co-creator of my son. So I understand that nature and attribute God so much better. I understand what it means for Christ to be the Bridegroom and the Church His Bride and that intimate relationship and the beauty of Communion because on a smaller scale I have that kind of relationship with my wife.
All of the discussion stemmed from me watching/listening to the ABC Nightline Faceoff Marriage versus Adultery it is definitely worth watching, Pastor Ed Young Jr. speaks a lot of common sense truth into the debate. Check it out if you get a chance.
Love to get your thoughts on the subject.
I love what Emily Johnson said as a response to one of my posts.
Here is my post:
Marriage fails because of sin - not because of the institution of marriage. Come on people.
Emily's response:
I'm certain that statement will hit a nerve with a lot of people...I think the sin doesn't necessarily mean during the marriage, but sometimes, the sin is actually marrying the person you had intended for yourself rather than the person God had intended for you.
Good statement though!!
Thoughts anyone?
6 comments:
:)
I think you begin to walk a dangerous road when you write off something printed in the text as just being the author's opinion. If that's the case, then perhaps Paul's insistence of sex remaining in marriage was just his opinion. Perhaps he was homophobic and the New Testament can't be used to support homosexual sex as sin. You have to be very, very careful about dismissing scripture.
Paul actually gives several reasons for his urging people to remain single. The main one for him, as is most of Paul's writing is his eschatology. Believers in more "enlightened" circles avoid talk of the end times because they feel it's a waste of time compared to other topics. Problem is, it dictates most of what Paul believes. Early on in chapter 7, he says "because of the coming crisis."
There is no coming crisis in Corinth. Paul means the return of Jesus. His view seems to be that because Jesus is coming back SO soon, it's a waste of time to get married. We've got stuff to do before Jesus returns, there's no time for temporal things like marriage.
The rationale that Jesus and Paul seem to share is the idea of accomplishing work for the Kingdom. Fact is, single people can commit more time to Kingdom purposes. My own life is a fantastic example. If I'm married, NCC doesn't really have media. It's because I'm single and I can work 20 hour days that things get done at the level they are. If I ever get married, those days are over.
I also shudder to think that if in fact Paul was never married that he didn't fully grasp God as a father or the Church as His bride.
I would say that of the needs you've listed, only sexual satisfaction and children are ones that I haven't seen met in my life while single. The latter I would contest is not even a want, much less a need in my experience :)
As far as communion goes... I feel like the Church really misses the boat on it. I look in the text and I see it being communal. Not the individual and God, but the Church as a body coming together and remembering their Savior. I see a text about taking it "unworthily" as being specifically about having issues unresolved with your brothers and sisters in your midst. I honestly feel like a crazy person sometimes. Like, am I really the only one reading the context of these passages? It's like being in bizzaro world. Am I just really off? Cause the Bible I'm looking at is very clear about what this whole thing is for.
I guess this is a sore spot for me because I see marriage so over-emphasized in churches today and it's just flat out wrong. You're not incomplete if you're single, you're not with access to only bit pieces of God's character, and you're not untrustworthy. I've heard all of those said of single people and it's garbage. The Church should be celebrating its single members, not deriding them.
Jeremy, I completely agree with you on many points. Completely disagree on others.
I asked the question about Paul's opinion more as a hypothetical as well as mentioning is the Bible inconsistent. But I do agree with you on that point.
I understand your thought and commentary on Paul's urging in the context of the Corinth in that day and time.
However, marriage even though it is earthly is not a waste of time...there is so much joy and satisfaction that I experience in marriage as I highlighted in my post. I love serving and partnering with my wife in ministry and I see us as a team. But through our "temporal" marriage we brought to life an eternal soul, our amazing son. To me that is both a blessing and a gift that lasts for Eternity.
I don't agree with your assertion that a single person can accomplish more for Kingdom purposes. I feel like as a team with Lora we accomplish quite a bit together, I have seen other couples who have partnered together to do incredible things for the Kingdom of God...to me that is an opinionated statement.
Yes, if you were married it would cut your hours doing media at NCC, however, I believe the slack would be picked up and the vacuum would be filled through other staff or we would have to learn to adapt better as church to your new position as a husband. I think we need to adapt differently regardless and not be so last minute (that is a whole different discussion).
I don't think you or anyone can fully grasp what it is like to be a father unless you are a father...I know from experience. I thought I understood the father/child relationship, but I really didn't, going through the experience does change you perspective. I feel that way about the relationship with Christ and His Bride the Church.
Jeremy for childbearing for many women it is a need, for me I had the desire and the need to have at least one child. I hope at least one more. But those other needs can be met outside of marriage, however not at the level it is met in marriage, trust me on that...there is a sense of raw vulnerability and intimacy that is only met in marriage and in a relationship with Christ.
Well with communion...the same word that is used for communion is the same as sexual intercourse. SO there are definitely strong comparison there.
I do agree the instructions that Paul gives on communion is communal for the entire church...but I also contest that we also have personal and intimate relationship with Christ as well...I believe in the communal aspect, but also the personal aspect as well. I think it is both.
I also agree with you that marriage is over-emphasized in the church, there definitely needs to be a balance. I also ABSOLUTELY agree that marriage does NOT complete anyone. Marriage does compliment...but people need to be complete before they ever enter into marriage. I do have major issues with those who push or over emphasize completeness in marriage. We can only be complete in our relationship with Christ and relationship to the Church.
Jeremy I do celebrate you and honor you not because you are single but because I respect you as a man of God. I do understand you anger at the church as a whole on this issue, but please be careful not to allow it to make you bitter.
I do respect your thoughts, opinions, experiences and anointing...I personally would never want to do anything that would minimalize or diminish it.
Chris
Marriage *versus* singlehood??
Paul states his purpose of 1 Corinthians 7 clearly in verse 35: “I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you.” The discussion should not be ‘which is better.’ But instead, “each of you should ask the Lord how you will serve him best.” Obviously, there are pros and cons to being married and to being single. Both of you have articulated these well.
I would argue that there are lessons in each stage of life and God uses all of them to bring us to Himself and help us grow in the Gospel. As a single girl, the Lord has the opportunity to show himself strong on my behalf ALL THE TIME! Furthermore, I have the opportunity to spend time with him, in other relationships, and in ministry that I simply won’t have when I have a husband to serve and a family to raise. Also, as Chris said, within the context of marriage there are other blessings we experience – this blessing is a testament to God’s character. It says more about His mercy than what a single people “miss out on.” And what if us guys never marry? I have full confidence God will not withhold himself from me. Marriage is good, and I would never, in a million years, undermine or negate the breadth of intimacy and blessing it brings – but the call is not to marriage. The call is to, very humbly and open-handedly, ask the Lord how we can serve Him best.
I wouldn't say that I'm bitter about it. I'm very fortunate to be pre-disposed to wanting to change the things that irk me rather than abandoning them. Maybe I'll push too hard in the other direction, but if it serves to make a specific body or the Church at large closer to the middle, I'm happy to play that role.
I personally have a really hard time believing that slack would get picked up in my specific position. I don't mean that to sound bitter, cause I'm not, at all, there's a degree to which I relish the fact that I do things that nobody else can or is willing to. But I just don't see any reason to believe that if I had to pull back that the gaps would get filled in. Either our volume or quality would take a significant hit.
It's just a matter of time. I'm not saying that married people are ineffective. That's just simply not true. However, for instance, if Billy Graham was single, think how much more he could've been on the road. It's not solely an opinionated statement, it's what Paul's saying in 1 Corinthians 7.
"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs–how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world–how he can please his wife– and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world–how she can please her husband."
Paul goes beyond accomplishment and is saying that single people can be more "devoted" to the Lord. Those are his words, not mine. I'm not saying I'm more devoted than anyone. What I am saying is that you have a whole lot more time for Kingdom work when you're not finishing up a Honey-do list.
The word koinonia is never used in scripture to mean sex. At all. Ever. Just because a word can mean something does not make it relevant to the discussion of its use in a particular context. The root word, koinonos, means partnership. Koinonos has literally nothing to do with sex.
This is a common mistake that many people make when studying the Greek. They look at the possible definitions of a word and add them all together to get a super definition. Problem is... that's not how words work. For instance, in english, the word bear can mean to carry as in "bear his burdens" or it can mean an animal in the forest that wants to eat your face. What people sometimes do is the same as seeing the word bear and thinking it means to carry a furry creature in the forest with a predisposition to picnic baskets.
To me, it seems clear from context that Paul intends the definition of koinonia that means "fellowship" and "joint participation".
In the New Testament it's used 20 times in the following ways, "fellowship 12, communion 4, communication 1, distribution 1, contribution 1, to communicate 1".
I just don't see the sex connection here... I could be wrong, but I don't see it. If I am wrong... there's a whole lot explaining the Corinthians need to do about the "Love Feast" :)
I get the fatherhood thing, but I 100% disagree that married people understand communion more because they're married. I don't see any reason to believe that to be true.
I can see how the intimacy, trust, etc are perhaps more complete in marriage. I tend to chalk my failure in those areas as my own issues with trusting people, etc, but it's very likely that I'm wrong. There's absolutely no way for me to know unless I marry someone someday.
I don't think marriage is a "waste of time". Who knows, I might break down and do it some day. Now, I've spent time with some individuals that I might label a waste of time, but that's another conversation altogether... :-)
I am very thankful though for smart folks like yourself that I get to work with and spar with over things like this for the right reasons and with the right spirit. It's a great opportunity to delve into the 2% of the universe that I don't have figured out yet...
KIDDING! :)
Maegan,
Thank you for your thoughts on this subject. You are totally correct. You give such valuable insight to this discussion.
I could not agree with you more there are VALUABLE lessons we can take from every stage and life. Both marriage and singleness is a calling that are both important for our refinement,and understanding of God.
God will speak to us and never withhold his hand of blessing from any of us, married or single, who pursue Him and lives of wholeness/completeness.
There is blessing to be found in every stage of life.
Thanks for being a voice of reason Maegan. :-)
Chris
I really have nothing to add to this conversation, but just wanted to say thank you to Jeremy and Chris for a very enlightened discussion of this topic.
Thanks guys.
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